New Listing Site For Pro Dommes: BDSM Professionals

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New Listing Site For Pro Dommes: BDSM Professionals

If you’re reading this, it’s possible you’ve heard about Eros. Over the Thanksgiving holiday Eros decided to remove their BDSM section. While I haven’t advertised on Eros in years, this event brought up meaningful discourse on social media platforms. Where do we, as Pro Dommes, advertise now? Mistress Tissa decided to launch a listing site-seeing both the need and having a vision. I want to support that, and you should too. Why? There are so few places serious BDSM professionals who conduct face to face sessions can be listed. The UK has many great listing sites, however, the U.S. sadly does not. We’re often lumped in as an afterthought with escorts-fielding many confused session requests as a result. Before you get your panties in a bunch, I don’t find anything wrong with escorts or any other forms of sex work. I think sex work should be decriminalized. However, I do believe in having spaces geared specifically towards BDSM pursuits. It cuts down on confusion, and saves us all time-time that can be utilized towards actually enjoying ourselves!

Mistress Tissa has stepped up, put a lot of hard work, time, resources, and energy into BDSM Professionals Yes, click that link. Bookmark mark it. Keep going back to it. I’m listed on there, and more individuals are continuously being added. If you’re a fellow Pro Domme who’s come across this writing, get listed. The cost is exceptionally fair and reasonable.

I gave one of my minions a research assignment about chastity.

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I gave one of my minions a research assignment about chastity.

Since I’m impressed with both his writing and desire to impress me, I wanted to share this information here.

History of Male Chastity

I must disclose that I am writing this research paper under duress. I am in bondage, gagged, my balls are tied down and I am gagged. May I just say that this is an ideal incentive as this paper is, indeed, about the history of male chastity. I, myself, love to be in chastity. The reasons will hopefully become clear after reading this paper.
Usually when one thinks of chastity belts they think of females. After all, we have all heard stories of maidens put in a metal chastity device while her heroic knight goes off to war. In reality, most of these are myths. However, what is not a myth, is the male chastity belt.
If one dives into the history of male chastity, one will find there are two distinct histories. First, there were male chastity belts for health and moral reasons. For instance, it was once thought that masturbation was a sure road to insanity. The other history of male chastity involves a fetish. Many men desire to be in chastity, especially at the hands of a dominant woman. This report will cover history of forced chastity of the Victorian era as well as that of male chastity fetishism.

History of Male Chastity Devices
The first patented chastity device was known as the “self protector”. The device was patented by Daniel Cook in 1870. It was a means of preventing masturbation in children.
In 1907, Ellen Perkins patented the “sexual armor.” Perkins wrote that masturbation was one of the most common causes of insanity, imbecility, and feeble mindedness, especially in youth.
A penis cage was patented by Henry Tunnessen in 1909 to prevent wet dreams by waking the person in case of an erection. I could not find the original patent but a crude picture (Amanda Hess, 2010 An Illustrated History of Male Chastity Devices) resembles an archaic version of Kali’s Teeth, a modern device which is worn around the penis and has metal spikes on the inside causing pain when an erection occurs. `
A full-body approach to prevent the male or female from touching his or her genitals while sleeping was patented by Allan Risely in 1932. The design is extremely complex. If one is interested, the patent number is 1865280. The beauty of this device is that it was constructed to resemble an ordinary sleeping garment so there would be no embarrassment while wearing it.
More recently, in 2004, Gines Sanchez Gomez patented the “protective tube harness.” The patent is described as “a protective tube and harness for the masculine member. The tube continues with a hinge with a hole at their end. A padlock fixes the hinge and the external tube.” In simple terms, this device is very similar to the more current designs by fancy steel (see www.fancysteel.com). This device was important because, from my research, it is the first device, in the words of Gomez, to be designed specifically for “the entertainment field, essentially of erotic-games. Based on my research, this may represent the beginning of male chastity fetishism.

Male Chastity Fetishism
One begs the question, why do (some) men love chastity? There are literally hundreds of products to choose from including metal, plastic, silicone, resin, and smart devices controlled by an app. Chastity kink is a broad spectrum, ranging from foreplay to a full-blown lifestyle in which the keys to the cage are controlled by a partner for days or months. (Abby Moss, Men’s Health, 2021).
Moss also interviewed a man that said chastity made him shift his focus to other erogenous zones such as his nipples and ass since he could not stimulate his penis. On a personal note, I can certainly attest to this. Mistress Natalya Sadici has had me in chastity numerous times. She has taught me how to appreciate rubbing my nipples as well as appreciate anal play (including remote anal play).
Gigi Engle, author of All the F*cking Mistakes: A guide to Sex, Love, and Life”, men may feel pressured by gender norms to behave in certain ways. Chastity can offer a safe escape. “It comes, in part, from a desire to give over control, to escape from your role.”
Kristan X of Lascivity.co.uk has published a great article – A Simple Guide to Male Chastity. In her article, she discusses the top reasons men enjoy chastity:
1. Giving up control
2. It’s humiliating
3. It focuses the mind
4. It’s hot
5. Better (but less frequent) orgasms
For me, it is all about giving up control. I love being controlled by a dominant female. Being in a cage, allows me to be controlled 24/7.

Types of Chastity Cages
It seems that every day there is a new chastity cage available (a better mouse trap so to speak). The first time I decided to try chastity, I became very overwhelmed. I ended up wasting a lot of money buying and trying out cages that did not work for one or several reasons. It was Mistress Natalya Sadici who recommended I buy a custom-made cage from Mature Metal. It was not cheap but it was worth every penny.
The following are some of the more common types of cages:
1. Plastic Cages – To my knowledge these were among the first cages to be mass produced as male chastity became popular on the BDSM scene. The CB chastity devices are still among the most popular. They were invented and patented by Frank and Doris Miller, a husband-and-wife team. The CB 2000 was their first product and they have since released many updated versions. Jon Stewart did a comedy skit on an interview they did. It was supposed to be funny, and I suppose it was to those that do not appreciate being caged. That being said, it is informative as to the reason behind their decision to invent the CB2000. If interested, the website is https://www.cc.com/video/2e49wg/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-nut-case.

2. Silicone Cages – These are similar to plastic cages but are a bit more flexible and skin tight. Some of the silicone “cages” are not actually cages. They are toys that fit over your cock to give a firmer or longer-lasting erection.

3. Steel Cages – These are clean and hygienic and also very strict. Again, there are hundreds to choose from. Steel is by far my favorite. They are easier to clean while wearing and also are more inescapable. Personally, I recommend Mature Metal for a custom cage. They have great service. I love my cage (The Queen’s Keep). They also have the option of punishment pins which brings the “fun” to a whole new level. Mark and Rebecca’s “All about Sex” podcast did an excellent interview with William from Mature Metal. It is well worth listening to. There is a link to the interview on the www.MatureMetal.com website.

4. Smart Cages – These are app-controlled cages. The lock can be controlled by a key-holder thousands of miles away. The Cell Mate is the first on the market. This is a great idea but still needs some improvement.

In addition to these “normal” cages, there are also other types of creative cages including, but not limited to sissy cages, vibrating cages, harness cages, nub cages, and cruel chastity cages with spikes, electricity, or ultra-restrictive. There are even custom 3-D printed cages.

Summary and Personal Note
Male chastity has been around since the 16th century but only recently has it taken off as a fetish. The number of manufacturers and brands has grown exponentially since the year 2000. There are designs, colors, materials, and sizes to suit any fetishist. As mentioned previously, I have a strong preference for metal chastity cages, specifically custom made. One will find themselves very frustrated with the wasted time and money trying non-custom models. However, if money is an issue, it may be worth trying one of the less expensive models such as the CB series.
As explained above, there are many psychological reasons that so many men and women love male chastity. The love of being controlled and humiliated are two of the most common reasons. It is a very welcome extension to BSDM play. The key (pun intended) is to find a skilled experienced keyholder. I have been very fortunate to stumble upon Mistress Natalya Sadici of Florida. I would never trust anyone else.
In my research, I did a search for chastity cage patents. The number of patents is overwhelming. It is evident that male chastity fetishism is not a passing fad but is here to stay. I, for one, am very excited about my many chastity experiences to come.

Hard To Get To Know

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Hard To Get To Know

Over time I’ve heard it frequently-the comment, “you’re hard to get to know”. I respond with, “yes, I know” and a sly smile. While refusing to take this as some kind of insult, it does shine some light on something I post a bit ago on social media. “Lifestyle public. Personal life private.” The exchange led to discussion about the concept of oversharing. I found it time to put together this entry. Much like anything I post publicly, I put a lot of thought into it knowing once something is post there’s always a way to find it.

Knowledge is very powerful. It can also be a weapon. In my experience disclosing too much information leads to a false sense of camaraderie. The power dynamic gets turned around with a new person thinking we’re pals instead of Mistress and slave. I’m not saying a friendship never blossoms out of a D/s dynamic. Though it is a rare human that doesn’t pull the, “friendship card” when being held accountable for infractions, misdeeds, and other negative behaviors. At the very least this is an annoyance. At the worst it’s outright dangerous with slander, stalking, and physical violence. Trust is built over time and not automatically given. The details of my personal life do not impact my ability to conduct my sessions. It’s called professionalism. Being a Professional Dominatrix requires diving very deeply into fantasies, how someone thinks, having the awareness to read body language, excellent communication, and managing energy-both the client’s and my own. If I don’t have control over myself, how can I maintain control over another human? My best and longest serving slaves tend to be intensely private people. The proverbial, “allure of the hidden” was the initial attraction to my world. Due to a firm grip on privacy, they trust their personal information won’t be bandied about online or shared with outside parties. I would never snap a session photo without explicit consent-even if it wasn’t shared online. It’s called ethics. If I decide to share personal information about myself, that is my choice. I make this choice according to what trust has been built over time. Make no mistake of thinking I’m a private person out of some shame I hold over being a Dominant kinky woman. I love being a professional pervert and am proud of how I make my living. My career has been made out of my lifestyle.

As a lifestyle and professional Mistress, here’s where certain waters get murky. Again, disclose too much information to someone who’s untrustworthy and the outcomes are the same as mentioned earlier. Events are tailored for kinky individuals to meet, share information, learn, and grow as people. This is a beautiful thing, and I have loved my involvement with and attendance at all sorts of kinky events. If it weren’t for these gatherings of like-minded people our interactions would be left primarily to words on a screen. Though the lifestyle is not all wine and roses. Untrustworthy and dangerous people do make it into certain circles. Due to our wanting to accept people for their kinks and increasing costs to throw quality events, it can be difficult if not impossible to ostracize the poisoned apples. The best that can be done is be careful, be aware, trust your instincts, and take time to get to know people. Removing one’s self from negative situations and people is unfortunately looked upon as, “being an island”. There is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself to heal, work on yourself, and make choices that are right for you. I like to say I’m an island-one that has bridges and gates. Through time and experience certain individuals are allowed through. Becoming extremely discerning has meant connections run more deeply.

So, what do I want you to know about me? I’ve thought about this a lot since relocating from Chicago to South Florida over a year ago. Much like any woman who boldly lives life on her own terms and doesn’t seek approval from others, there’s a lot of misinformation about. What I want you to know falls into the value category.
1. Being interrupted or talked over is one of my biggest pet peeves. Not only does it show a lack of self control, but it shows a lack of respect. I discipline harshly for this. In non D/s interactions, I become very quiet to preserve my energy unless my speaking up is very important.
2. I never understand how humans can be bored. My philosophy instructor once said, “being bored means you lack the intelligence to entertain yourself.” A friend in the lifestyle says, “only the boring are bored, darling.” I value active minds, self starters, deep conversations, and those who research all manner of topics. The mind is the most powerful sex organ, and I’m a sapiosexual. Stating you’re, “bored” is a huge turn off.
3. A common misconception is if someone is quiet, they are somehow less or not Dominant. There are times where I’m very quiet due to listening to someone rather than merely hearing the person. Silence is often a great shield against narcissists.
4. Despite being a fetishist, I value experiences and connection over material things. Though if someone shows lack of respect for the things I’ve worked hard for, I do get angry.
5. I am wary of those who state: “I’m a gentleman”, “I hate drama”, “I hate gossip”, “trust me”, and “I am an honest person”. Those who have to make those statements are trying to either convince themselves, me, or both they embody those things or have certain values. Those who are gentlemen, dislike drama and gossip, are trustworthy, and honest live their lives accordingly. They walk the walk rather than needing to make loud proclamations. In saying this, I look for actions as they are far more telling.
6. There is a difference between being territorial and jealousy. If you become my property, I am territorial. This means I am protective of you as you have shown me loyalty, and embody other qualities I value. I am not jealous of what others have. Their hard work and sacrifices mean they’ve earned what they possess. Jealousy is counterproductive to life experience. If there is something desired, it’s paramount to take steps to achieve it.
7. I deplore passive aggressive behavior. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Passive aggressive behavior undermines trust-the foundation of any kind of relationship. A direct approach is always best.
8. Despite the serious tone of this writing, wit and humor is important to me. Just know your sense of humor may be different than mine.

Accountability

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Throughout my time as both a lifestyle and Pro Domina I’ve seen things change and shift. Certain elements have gone for the better, and of course, other things for the worst. In discussing day to day occurrences and highlights with other Ladies in the lifestyle and industry, the topic of accountability has come up frequently. As of late it has been brought up constantly.

To be clear I cherish submissives and slaves. It takes a lot of strength to acquiesce power to another. In any kind of relationship communication-and clear communication-is required. When power is exchanged clear communication is magnified, as the lack of it inherently puts people in danger and not the fun kind. This could be anything from not mentioning taking a new medication to failing to tell me text messaging is no longer ok between certain hours of the day. The latter resulting in compromising my discretion with angry phone calls from a vanilla spouse or lover. Though communication on my end has to occur when you’ve done something wrong. This is where the topic of accountability comes into the picture.

At one point or another all of us have hurt someone we’ve cared about. It takes a lot of strength to admit we’ve done something wrong. It’s awful to be told we’ve failed at a task, forgotten something promised, didn’t do something correctly, or messed up something. Here’s the thing…if you’re submitting to someone and/or being trained as a slave, you will do something wrong at some point in time. Hopefully it’s not on purpose to play games and get attention in a manipulative way! Hopefully the mistake is accidental and not intentional. As a Dominant I will point a mistake out. Atonement will take place. If you’re in my service I expect you to learn from your mistakes. In other words, you will be held accountable for your actions.

I’m not sure why this is such a difficult thing for others to grasp. Lately there has been a lot of lashing out and passive aggressive behaviors taking place. In my aforementioned statements regarding talking with other Ladies, I know I’m not the only one this has happened to. This is why I’m inclined to put together this post. If you’re submitting to a Dominant and being trained, part of training is to consistently strive to be the best submissive and/or slave you can be. There’s a learning process. I learn about your interests, strengths, how you communicate, and other parts of your personality. By putting my energy into being fully present during my interactions with you I see exactly which steps are necessary to shape you into serving me in the best possible way. Since I require you to be present, you must learn about my tastes, how I want things done, and my values. If you slip up, I tell you. It’s a time to realize what you’ve done wrong and change your behavior. It’s never the time to lash out, make excuses, and take out insecurities on me or any Dominant you’re serving. If you’re not held accountable for your actions, there’s no power exchange. It’s not D/s anymore. Lashing out and passive aggressive behavior is not only disrespectful; it undermines trust…trust that you can communicate, that you can learn from mistakes, are accepting and value the D/s dynamic, and don’t inherently have anger issues that could become dangerous.

This brings me back to my point about strength in submission. Being held accountable for your actions can be an emotionally trying thing. Think of it this way: you’re held to certain standards at your job or within your career. When you submit there are certain standards I hold you to as well. While play and submission is cathartic and a lovely escape from the monotony, mundane, and outside stressors of life; in no way should utter escapism and an inability to be held accountable for your actions enter the D/s equation. Doing so has a negative impact on me, and the point of your submission is to make me happy while enhancing my life in some way. To be blunt, if you have a problem with being held accountable, you lack the strength to submit in a positive and effective manner. Work on yourself to have this strength before attempting to submit to me or any other Dominant.