Hard To Get To Know

Over time I’ve heard it frequently-the comment, “you’re hard to get to know”. I respond with, “yes, I know” and a sly smile. While refusing to take this as some kind of insult, it does shine some light on something I post a bit ago on social media. “Lifestyle public. Personal life private.” The exchange led to discussion about the concept of oversharing. I found it time to put together this entry. Much like anything I post publicly, I put a lot of thought into it knowing once something is post there’s always a way to find it.

Knowledge is very powerful. It can also be a weapon. In my experience disclosing too much information leads to a false sense of camaraderie. The power dynamic gets turned around with a new person thinking we’re pals instead of Mistress and slave. I’m not saying a friendship never blossoms out of a D/s dynamic. Though it is a rare human that doesn’t pull the, “friendship card” when being held accountable for infractions, misdeeds, and other negative behaviors. At the very least this is an annoyance. At the worst it’s outright dangerous with slander, stalking, and physical violence. Trust is built over time and not automatically given. The details of my personal life do not impact my ability to conduct my sessions. It’s called professionalism. Being a Professional Dominatrix requires diving very deeply into fantasies, how someone thinks, having the awareness to read body language, excellent communication, and managing energy-both the client’s and my own. If I don’t have control over myself, how can I maintain control over another human? My best and longest serving slaves tend to be intensely private people. The proverbial, “allure of the hidden” was the initial attraction to my world. Due to a firm grip on privacy, they trust their personal information won’t be bandied about online or shared with outside parties. I would never snap a session photo without explicit consent-even if it wasn’t shared online. It’s called ethics. If I decide to share personal information about myself, that is my choice. I make this choice according to what trust has been built over time. Make no mistake of thinking I’m a private person out of some shame I hold over being a Dominant kinky woman. I love being a professional pervert and am proud of how I make my living. My career has been made out of my lifestyle.

As a lifestyle and professional Mistress, here’s where certain waters get murky. Again, disclose too much information to someone who’s untrustworthy and the outcomes are the same as mentioned earlier. Events are tailored for kinky individuals to meet, share information, learn, and grow as people. This is a beautiful thing, and I have loved my involvement with and attendance at all sorts of kinky events. If it weren’t for these gatherings of like-minded people our interactions would be left primarily to words on a screen. Though the lifestyle is not all wine and roses. Untrustworthy and dangerous people do make it into certain circles. Due to our wanting to accept people for their kinks and increasing costs to throw quality events, it can be difficult if not impossible to ostracize the poisoned apples. The best that can be done is be careful, be aware, trust your instincts, and take time to get to know people. Removing one’s self from negative situations and people is unfortunately looked upon as, “being an island”. There is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself to heal, work on yourself, and make choices that are right for you. I like to say I’m an island-one that has bridges and gates. Through time and experience certain individuals are allowed through. Becoming extremely discerning has meant connections run more deeply.

So, what do I want you to know about me? I’ve thought about this a lot since relocating from Chicago to South Florida over a year ago. Much like any woman who boldly lives life on her own terms and doesn’t seek approval from others, there’s a lot of misinformation about. What I want you to know falls into the value category.
1. Being interrupted or talked over is one of my biggest pet peeves. Not only does it show a lack of self control, but it shows a lack of respect. I discipline harshly for this. In non D/s interactions, I become very quiet to preserve my energy unless my speaking up is very important.
2. I never understand how humans can be bored. My philosophy instructor once said, “being bored means you lack the intelligence to entertain yourself.” A friend in the lifestyle says, “only the boring are bored, darling.” I value active minds, self starters, deep conversations, and those who research all manner of topics. The mind is the most powerful sex organ, and I’m a sapiosexual. Stating you’re, “bored” is a huge turn off.
3. A common misconception is if someone is quiet, they are somehow less or not Dominant. There are times where I’m very quiet due to listening to someone rather than merely hearing the person. Silence is often a great shield against narcissists.
4. Despite being a fetishist, I value experiences and connection over material things. Though if someone shows lack of respect for the things I’ve worked hard for, I do get angry.
5. I am wary of those who state: “I’m a gentleman”, “I hate drama”, “I hate gossip”, “trust me”, and “I am an honest person”. Those who have to make those statements are trying to either convince themselves, me, or both they embody those things or have certain values. Those who are gentlemen, dislike drama and gossip, are trustworthy, and honest live their lives accordingly. They walk the walk rather than needing to make loud proclamations. In saying this, I look for actions as they are far more telling.
6. There is a difference between being territorial and jealousy. If you become my property, I am territorial. This means I am protective of you as you have shown me loyalty, and embody other qualities I value. I am not jealous of what others have. Their hard work and sacrifices mean they’ve earned what they possess. Jealousy is counterproductive to life experience. If there is something desired, it’s paramount to take steps to achieve it.
7. I deplore passive aggressive behavior. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Passive aggressive behavior undermines trust-the foundation of any kind of relationship. A direct approach is always best.
8. Despite the serious tone of this writing, wit and humor is important to me. Just know your sense of humor may be different than mine.